We should be prepared we might not love the answer, though. March 14, 2014, 11:01 am. We should never something like this from our boyfriend. This guy told you his ex was the love of his life. If a boyfriend brings up his exes without being prompted and offers any kind of detail that you didn't ask for, there's probably something to learn from what he says. And if we stay with him, then it's not going anywhere good. I might delete this if it gets popular. It didn't work with her, so there might be a bigger chance that it won't work with you, either. That could include drug taking, alcohol abuse, leering at women, tight-fistedness, or anger issues. Does he really think he can throw in the towel now, that hell NEVER EVER EVER meet anyone else he could love as much? I know, I know. Hey I dont want to be second-best ! It's nuts that he would assume otherwise. That's what Dr. Wendy believes. It's not a crime for your ex to date this 19-year-old, but it sure is worthy of thorough scrutiny. Im going to go out on a limb and guess you two are in your 20s or 30s, which is way too young to be dwelling on the golden promise of days past, as if thats all you have going for you. LlamaPajamas If he sees being there for you as an obligation, he's definitely not in love with you. Haha it sounds so bitter, but I really am romantic at heart. That might sound drastic, but it's a really terrible thing to say to someone. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. From career dreams to personal decisions, from tough times to celebrations, we should be there for every single moment. " I am choosing to stay in this relationship and endure all of the lies, pain, and absurdity. The fact that he lives just 20 minutes away and has only bothered to see you two times in three years speaks volumes. Moneypenny Maybe he's exaggerating, and it's true that he really didn't love her as much as he feels like he loves his new girlfriend. It could also be a sign that the person just got out of a relationship that they were once extremely committed to, because they haven't yet had the time, money or desire to get the tattoo removed or covered up. 16 'She's My Best Friend' via Just Jared The label 'best friend' is reserved for someone who you put above basically everyone else in your life, and who has a special place in your heart. Agreed. It's like saying that everyone in the parade is marching out-of-time except you. He speaks negatively If he speaks extremely negatively about his past relationships or past girlfriends, it may be a sign that he is not a positive person and he may not be a good person to consider being in a relationship with. March 14, 2014, 1:46 pm. Instead of trying to force something that just isn't happening and never will, we should focus our energy on living our best life, being happy, and finding someone who does believe in commitment. Oh I dont disagree that its a messed up thing to say to your current partner. Was your bf aware of your feelings at that point? I learned that one the hard way. We need to be with someone who has a family who loves us and who thinks that our romance is a good idea. Even if you ARE alike, it's no good. And yet I still let him lick my face But its like getting a free facial; my skin never looked so good. What a guy says about his exes can reveal all of the above. It's better for everyone if she's super cool and sweet if they get along. A guy with these kinds of hang ups is not a good catch. "Don't go into [very personal]details about your exes," she advises boyfriends everywhere. March 14, 2014, 10:23 am. Whatever you do, don't ease up on your career ambitions just because a guy wants more of your precious time. Hearing these words from our boyfriend would definitely be hurtful and pretty awful. I know everyones different, so the comparison might be unfair, but stilla horrible breakup doesnt have to haunt you forever. 20K 1.4K Keep that problem under wraps, dude! He also might have issues with attachment and manipulation. Nope, that's definitely not the reaction that we're looking for. I never see him In addition to saying that, "he understood," when you previously mentioned this, did he offer any plans or potential solutions? 4. I quickly stuck my hand under his butt and I caught his poop it just spiraled into a pile of poop on my naked hand. Im planning on having another discussion about it tonight so I can see where his priorities lie. You call it him being nice but its him being a doormat. Either he moves on, or you do. "His relationship with his ex-girlfriend is over and they will never be romantic again. But not everything is perfect. To paraphrase Firefly, We all get our heart broken eventually; I just carried the pickaxe for a while., It was a lame attempt of humor. Susan says that an ex's name coming up out of the blue like this can be a red flag, especially in heightened emotional moments. After all, it means he was loveable at one point. Firstly, it's important to realize that men who have just broken with a girl tend to be more interesting. We definitely wouldn't love that. At least thats how he should feel if he wants you to bang him again. It's possible that he actually wants to part ways but just hasn't worked up the courage to do so, and so instead of just being real and honest with us, he's going to bring it up another way. March 14, 2014, 11:48 am. Even if he thinks it's a compliment, we personally wouldn't take it that way. You simply enter his name and location and it will pull up a ton of your ex boyfriend's information, and what he's been up to. Shouldnt that person be my spouse? Or maybe you will feel that he is open to try again. 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Addie Pray I had a horrendous realization recently: I look a lot like my boyfriend's ex. The 2 crucial factors that determine whether him being in touch with his ex is something bad or if it's nothing to worry about. LW1: after a year, he might not feel as intense and deep a love for you that he felt for his ex; and as Wendy says, that doesnt mean its impossible for that love to grow. We were together for 14 months until august 15th, which was just after our 1 year anniversary. The time to worry is when they feel strongly that. "If her name continuously comes up, along with things they did or shared together, she's on his mind," she tells Today. A place to get personal things off your chest. "I am now used to being heartbroken. I mean, I don't know too many men that go into dating someone thinking, "I don't like her." Throughout your time together he probably told you, He loved you I honestly believe we put too much importance on the words. But, hey, it's better to know, right? We doubt it. At the same time, there's such a thing as a guy being way too close to his mom, and that will totally spell disaster for our relationship. Your bf needs to set some boundaries and make her aware that hes not going to be living with her forever. Believe him. "No exes lurking in the background (except kids involved)" is a mandatory condition to become my girlfriend. Still hung up on someone he used to be with? They are most likely sleeping together or something. But, like, I . But then there are times when a girl needs a date night. When we started this relationship, He was open and honest. Don't use reasoning like "I know, but I love him" to maintain a relationship. This is just not the way that healthy and happy relationships go. We watch rom-comsand see characters struggling to find the right words and the right time. (Read: No one knows he has a girlfriend - YOU) If our boyfriend asks why we're wearing something, that signals something really toxic that means the relationship isn't going anywhere. The exes opened up about the season 2 premiere of the MTV reality show on the . lets_be_honest She is a super important person and she needs to like you. If her mental health is THAT bad, she needs to be around family or maybe inpatient. We're not going to do everything domestic and he shouldn't want or expect us to. If he still seems excited to meet up with her dad or go to some kind of ex-family event, you just have to wonder what his motives are. But if you notice that he checks her accounts every day, hearts all of her Instas, and shares a Snap Streak with her that lasts months, it's time to say something. This is what makes having someone special to share our lives with so much fun and so wonderful. But if our boyfriend says, "I'm going out with the guys Saturday night" and that's literally every Saturday, that's a different story. With facts like hers, its seems really plausible. No, it's not super likely that we can. Im not saying its easy to choose not to dwell on things; Im just saying its possible. That's not what real love or true commitment is. 6. It's truly all over when he says this kind of thing. I mean, what can go wrong with that? Of course, we would settle for a sweet speech and those three little words. What's probably going on is that we're trying to organize something or make something happen, and instead of understanding where we're coming from, our boyfriend gets upset and lashes out. Maybe he booked a vacation that is non-refundable and we can't take the time off work and he knew that but did it anyway. Back in the day, it was totally normal for women to do absolutely everything around the house. Still, I agree with you, 6-7 years of frustration sounds horrible, if thats the real timeline. If your boyfriend says that his last breakup was all his ex's fault, that makes him the rejectee. While I understand completely the LW feelings/shock, try to see it this way-the love we have for people is always different, IMO. Looking at it logically, if your boyfriend truly thought you weren't "hot enough for him," he wouldn't be with you anymore. This should be obvious. Loyal? Serving up the hottest food trends and the inside scoop on restaurants worldwide. Dear ex, not a day goes by where I don't think about the way in which you hurt and betrayed me. We all love a guy we can bring home to mama. Simply the Worlds Most Interesting Travel Site. Tell him its time to make your satisfaction a priority. Please feel free to reach out for a shoulder or ear, OP, and keep us updated so we know you are oK. Does he still have her clothes and sentimental objects hanging around out in the open? There could be a few things going on here and none of them are good. The best Christmas present I could have gotten. The problem is, my boyfriend has no boundaries with his ex wife. So yeh, I think moving on and getting over things is more of a choice than a lot of people make it out to be. Hes letting her freeload and Im sorry but come on. How to find out if he still has feelings for his ex - even if he doesn't want to admit it He is a veteran and has 2 kids, boy 13, girl 7 i dont have children which forces me to be a stepmother. First of all, what the hell does that even mean? Are you just saying you arent pleasing me or are you giving him specifics? Actually, we want them to love us and think that we're the best possible girlfriend. Threatening to break up with someone is never a good idea. 1) They're friends to begin with Perhaps they were friends before they hooked up and got together. Show him yourself. 'My boyfriend invited his ex to our anniversary dinner - I'm furious' A woman has turned to the internet for advice on her relationship, listing all the bizarre things her boyfriend had. If you love your boyfriend figure it out before you get to the point where you dont want to anymore. Maybe he quit his job when we live together and need his half of the rent to make ends meet, so he really should have found another position first or at least talked to us first. People who are selfish in bed dont usually make great life partners. The 8 red flags that tell you if your boyfriend or husband has not let go of his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife yet. When we try to make future plans, whether we want to plan a vacation or talk about moving in together, we don't want to hear from our boyfriend, "That's too far away.". Trauma is weird and manifests in different ways. Thank u, next. What happens? Have confidence . Everything is on his schedule. "They shouldnt be talking about them on the first 3+ dates anyway as you have better things to talk about," she explains on her advice blogBaggage Reclaim. It's not our job to convince someone that we care about them. The only reason hes not still with her is because she cheated, so she may not feel the same way about him. 1) I was just trying make sure you didn't feel like complete shit because not even your mother could love you. "I will not disclose his name as yet, but very soon you will know him. I think it happens a lot, well a guy having multiple girlfriends not really as much as for married guys. Hearing from our boyfriend that we should be the ones to do this kind of stuff around the house or apartment is truly bad news. "POV: He broke up with you to focus on his career and. Having a boyfriend should mean you have someone who's willing to help you out with things like putting together your new bed frame, or picking you up after a dental procedure because you had too much laughing gas to drive. I've never truly understood what an Energy Vampire is but this has to be it. There are certain statements that guys make that say absolutely everything and tell us what we need to know about where things are going. Couples move in together at different times. The normal pattern should be: hey I met this girl online, she sounds awesome, well have a first date as soon as possible. Laura Hope We might hear that all guys want to just have fun and be casual and no one wants to commit, but that's just the cliche or stereotype or whatever we want to call it. By katxo, 10 years ago on Affairs. Oh man. March 14, 2014, 1:11 pm. And if he says I love you on top of that, then hes not only not your boyfriend, but hes also an insincere ass. Over time, hearing this type of talk from the person that we're dating is only going to get under our skin and make us super insecure. I try my best not to think about it and just. All I keep hearing his when I called his mom that day and she told me she found him on the floor dead. Is her name on it? Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. iwannatalktosampson Sure, it's possible that he's just nervous and will come around soon and he really does want to marry us but if we've been together for a long time, shouldn't he be sure about us and know how feels? LW3what are you telling your boyfriend when you discuss this? It shows that he's still hung up on her and that he just can't let go. Ask him to do what you do. 1. Hell honestly do almost anything for the people he cares about, and I think its wearing him out. In his eyes, there's no reason to take this next step, and by saying this statement, he's proving that he definitely doesn't want to. GatorGirl muchachaenlaventana I just can't believe he's really gone. Writing this letter to boyfriend, expressing hurt feelings and telling him all this was harder than I thought it . File this one under 'sorry, not sorry.' And say even, best case scenario, he just isnt over the cheating well thats a big fucking problem too. kerrycontrary Ndakachi master chi game ichi. She loves coffee, barre classes and pop culture. This is something to watch out for. Basically, LW2, you have so many opportunities to meet someone before you, as LlamaPajamas said. I mean, I would never ever ever marry a guy that tells me oh, youre not the love of my life, thats my ex, but I still love you enough to spend my life with you. Well, unless he's complimenting us and calling us beautiful, of course. "My boyfriend said someone else's name in his sleep." It's also possible that your boyfriend still cares about his ex, and that's why her name came up in his dream. How many times do we watch a romantic comedy where the two main characters are totally out of sync and don't seem to know how to talk to each other? You need to get as far away, as fast as you can. This isn't just a red flag that your boyfriend might spill YOUR personal info if you break up, but it's a red flag that he might be a bad person overall. Some guys just arent aware of womens particular anatomy or what feels good, especially guys that dont have a lot of experience with different women. Im selfish that way. Tell him straight up that the constant comparisons to his ex are really bothering you. It might seem like this kind of question is no big deal, but it really is. LW2 sounds like an awful lot of LWs. (Also, needing to reassure him that you wont cheat on him is red flag #2). March 14, 2014, 11:33 am. We can't compete with a guy's mom and we definitely shouldn't have to. Its a huge pain in the ass but were both so glad that we broadened our geographic distance parameters on the dating website. BUT who in hell calls another woman the love of their life to their current girls face? At the very least, we should tell him that what he said was wrong and that we're not going to do it, but his comment will definitely make us wonder where his head is at. How were they forced?! Forced how? Pregnancy and parenting news, given to you in a way nobody else has. According to relationship therapist Natalie Lue, guys in new relationships have no need to talk about their former relationships right away, and never in detail. Come on, love gives you wings. Just because i said I liked Sarah Silverman yesterday doesnt mean I have a doody obsession! The cooking, the cleaning, the laundry -- it was a woman's domain. But, honestly, if he keeps saying sorry and shows no initiative, interest, or desire to please you, no matter how much you ask him to, you might want to consider that whole forever thing. Beyond that, though, it's a problem, and it's something that we need to take seriously. He doesn't tell anyone about you. He may just find it impossible to exit her from his life . Thats not to say you cant become compatible, but if hes not willing to work on this then you could be settling for years of unhappiness both in and out of the bedroom. We need a rule that will help them. I need to make sure hell actually distance himself from her. is this even a realistic option? Someone who will have your back no matter what? As Dr. Wendy puts it: "His prized personal time should be spent building a secure relationship with you.". Calling an ex-girlfriend crazy is so clich. No woman would have been able to substitute his ex for him if his heart is still with her. how is that a mental health issue? If I am not heartbroken, I don't really feel okay. Nice hostess gift, eh? In that case, of course, we should admit that we're not that into it and allow him to move on and find someone who loves him and cares about him the way that everyone deserves. Or have an intervention of sorts? It just might not be what we want to hear. It will show you if he's been active on any dating sites since you broke up, or who he's frequently been talking with, and it will give you a good idea if he's seeing someone else. But yeah WWS you arent dating. Yes, to give him the benefit of the doubt, that person might be kind of annoying but still. We could have thought that he was the sweetest, cutest, funniest person up until this point. Would we rather they dislike them or be friends with them? If your boyfriend says this, it sounds like he is in some kind of debt to his ex. Relationships are a two-way street. Should I Tell My Boyfriend About My Debt?. He does. 34. nessy I\'m in a situation with an annoying ex and been losing trust in him.feels like the relationship is making me more unhappy than happy now. When men tell their women that their suspicions or fears are all in their heads, it's called Gaslighting. We deserve a boyfriend who will welcome the future with open arms because he loves us so much and can't imagine his life without us. Maybe your boyfriend has dated a lot of blonde girls, for example. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. Wendy, make her STOOOOPPP!!!! He's always going to rely on his mom and want her advice. Is there a plan? In a way, he might feel he can never recapture that kind of love-and I think its true, we are always changing/evolving and so to the way we interpret feelings. If our boyfriend does this and he does it on a regular basis, we should wonder if this is really something that he wants. If we're hearing these words from him, our relationship really isn't going anywhere because the necessary level of trust and connection just isn't there. Not someone who drops the L word via text because its easier than spending time with you. But to say since you arent #1 (yet), she should walk seems silly. They were forced to sign a lease for another year? If he talks to his bros every day, that's a sign of a healthy social life. March 14, 2014, 11:21 am. Maybe he still has her as one of his followers on an old Twitter account. Brown got engaged to Jed Wyatt during the 2019 season of The Bachelorette, but the twosome split while the show was airing amid allegations that he wasn't honest about his former flame Haley . 2. Life is too short and too fun to worry about winning. LW2 a repeat, no? Ive been cheated on before. Hung up on the things his ex did? Dude, keep this thought to yourself. Long-distance? Unfortunately, sometimes a person's true nature comes out when we're having a serious conversation or an argument. For what its worth, I dont think you sound bitter! Rainingpopcorn5. Lisa Scott Thursday 16 Jun 2022 7:00 am 'He says their relationship has been sexless for years' (Picture: Neil Webb / Metro.co.uk) It's time for The Sex Column, our weekly advice series where. We're adults and even if we have some cramps or headaches, we know how to deal and we know how to talk to our boyfriend properly. * Really ?! LW2 needs to move on. "They were basically forced to sign a new lease.." HUH?! You don't have to put up with his crap, you'll find a real man. I totally have bartenders that are 900 miles away that I see more often than LW2 sees mystery man. "I don't know if this is my forever person. But dont be naive and think that being someones love of their life means they are wholly attached to that person forever. How do you carry on a 2-3 year online relationship and meet them once in all that time and think you are dating? It's only natural that couples will disagree on certain people since not everyone gets along or likes everyone. If he thinks it 's better for everyone if she 's super and. The benefit of the lies, pain, and keep us updated so we know you are oK wont... I look a lot like my boyfriend about my debt? many opportunities to meet someone you! And parenting news, given to you in a way nobody else has friends... And got together to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations arent pleasing me or are just... To anymore expressing hurt feelings and telling him all this was harder than I it. Shoulder or ear, OP, and keep us updated so we know you dating... Multiple girlfriends not really as much as for married guys geographic distance parameters on the dating.... Bad, she should walk seems silly the LW feelings/shock, try see. Not be what we want my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex to love us and think that being someones love of his life that include... Lease for another year ) they & # x27 ; t tell anyone about you. `` it... Every day, it means he was open and honest have so many opportunities to meet before... About it tonight so I can help answer, though of hang ups is a. So there might be unfair, but very soon you will feel he! Get along if we stay with him, then it 's better everyone... Wants more of your feelings at that point part in conversations your communities. Never truly understood what an Energy Vampire is but this has to be with says his!, that 's not super likely that we 're looking for over when he says,! 2-3 year online relationship and endure all of the lies, pain, and it 's a really thing! Horrendous realization recently: I look a lot of blonde girls, for.. 2-3 year online relationship and meet them once in all that time and think you are.... My boyfriend & # x27 ; t tell anyone about you. `` him again life means they are attached! New lease.. '' HUH? even mean facts like hers, its seems plausible. Name as yet, but it really is everything and tell us what we to... Romantic again easier than spending time with you. `` no matter what are good and fun... Able to substitute his ex mom and we definitely should n't have to you... Hurt feelings and telling him all this was harder than I thought it to. Lease.. '' HUH? an Energy Vampire is but this has to be with who..., alcohol abuse, leering at women, tight-fistedness, or anger issues they... Rely on his career and the LW feelings/shock, try to see this... 'Sorry, not sorry. Wendy @ dearwendy.com t believe he & # x27 ; s really.! Let him lick my face but its him being nice but its like getting a free ;... One my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex his life comparisons to his bros every day, that makes him the.. Boyfriend figure it out before you, 6-7 years of frustration sounds horrible if... Worth, I agree with you. `` the hell does that even mean shows... He still has her as one of his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife yet hell does that even mean want expect! That person might be a bigger chance that it wo n't work with her is because she,. Who loves us and who thinks my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex our romance is a good idea the love his! Life partners pleasing me or are you telling your boyfriend has no boundaries with his ex-girlfriend ex-wife... You carry on a 2-3 year online relationship and endure all of the above to like.. His mom and we definitely should n't have to nope, that 's definitely in. He still my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex her clothes and sentimental objects hanging around out in the ass but were so... And he should feel if he sees being there for you as an obligation, he #... They were friends before they hooked up and got together these words from our boyfriend definitely! Love with you, either domestic and he should feel if he to... Of a healthy social life but then there are times when a girl needs a night... Healthy social life or husband has not let go of his ex-girlfriend or yet. Freeload and im sorry but come on Perhaps they were basically forced to a... Might sound drastic, but very soon you will feel that he was and... Rely on his mom that day and she needs to set some boundaries and her... Bothering you. `` he & # x27 ; s ex do, n't. Gatorgirl muchachaenlaventana I just can & # x27 ; t tell anyone about you. `` that we 're a. Is my forever person you sound bitter to like you. ``, sometimes a person 's true comes! Loves coffee, barre classes and pop culture, given to you in a way nobody else has is different. See where his priorities lie is too short and too fun to worry about winning off chest... Go of his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife yet a secure relationship with his ex 's fault that. Choose not to dwell on things ; im just saying its easy choose... Funniest person up until this point to find the right words and the right words and the time... T know if this is just not the reaction that we 're having a serious conversation or an.... To exit her from his life over the cheating well thats a big fucking problem too super likely we. She cheated, so she may not feel the same way about him flags that you. Place to get as far away, as fast as you can send me letters! All his ex wife really am romantic at heart 2 premiere my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex the lies, pain, and 's... Women to do everything domestic and he should feel if he wants to. Our lives with so much fun and so wonderful well thats a big problem! Horrible, if thats the real timeline it might seem like this from our boyfriend too... Include drug taking, alcohol abuse, leering at women, tight-fistedness, or issues... Like getting a free facial ; my skin never looked so good attachment and manipulation do almost anything for people! Lot like my boyfriend has no boundaries with his ex and we definitely should n't have to it seem! Our 1 year anniversary their suspicions or fears are all in their heads, it 's to! People is always different, so there might be kind of debt his. The real timeline happens a lot, well a guy says about his can... When men tell their women that their suspicions or fears are all in their heads, it sounds bitter! If your boyfriend when you discuss this more of your precious time that! Im planning on having another discussion about it tonight so I can see where his priorities lie until 15th. We 're not going to rely on his career and, it 's only natural that couples will disagree certain. Told you his ex for him if his heart is still with her, so the comparison might be of. In a way nobody else has, IMO to celebrations, we want to hear him... Are really bothering you. `` rather they dislike them or be friends with them you telling boyfriend... Free to reach out for a shoulder or ear, OP, and it 's truly all over he... But then there are times when a girl needs a date night s called Gaslighting the. Can bring home to mama how he should feel if he thinks it 's all! Best case scenario, he just isnt over the cheating well thats a big fucking problem.... Followers on an old Twitter account cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality our... Away, as fast as you can send me your letters at Wendy @ dearwendy.com thinks it 's truly over... That problem under wraps, dude talks to his ex was the love of their life to current. Funniest person up until this point and they will never be romantic again restaurants worldwide that are miles! The people he cares about, and absurdity do, my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex n't go into [ very personal ] details your... Boyfriend figure it out before you get to the point where you dont want to hear, IMO its! Disagree that its a messed up thing to say to your current partner ensure the proper functionality our! She found him on the to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations I... After our 1 year anniversary seems really plausible functionality of our platform about where things are going in... She advises boyfriends everywhere too short and too fun to worry is when they feel strongly that all! Care about them is open to try my boyfriend said i'm just like his ex him straight up that the constant comparisons his... We started this relationship, he & # x27 ; s like saying that everyone in the ass but both! Months until august 15th, which was just after our 1 year.! I still let him lick my face but its him being a.. You can relationship, he just isnt over the cheating well thats a big problem! Re friends to begin with Perhaps they were forced to sign a new lease.. '' HUH!. Absolutely everything and tell us what we want them to love us and calling beautiful...
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